英語小笑話25篇
一、什么是笑話
笑話是一個漢語詞匯，拼音是xiào hua，意思是引人發笑的話或事情。
笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。其趣味有高下之分。
笑話也可以是指以一句短語或一個小故事讓說話者和聽者之間覺得好笑，或是產生幽默感，另外一個行動(動作)型的笑話是以動作影響人的視覺及觀感，而感到開心好笑。
2008年6月7日，笑話經國務院批準列入第二批國家級非物質文化遺產名錄。
二、英語小笑話（精選25篇）
笑話，是流傳于民間的，就當今社會，每天都有很多笑話出現，有心人如果收集，我想將來一定會有價值，同時豐富了笑話的寶庫。以下是小編為大家收集的英語小笑話（精選25篇），歡迎閱讀，希望大家能夠喜歡。
英語小笑話1
Dentist: Please stop howling.I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient: I know.But you are standing on my foot!
牙醫：請不要再叫了，我都還沒有挨著你的牙齒啊!
病人：可是，親，你可明白，你踩到我腳了！
英語小笑話2
Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"
Hotel Host: "I can't imagine,unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."
客人：“為什么你的狗狗坐在那兒老是看著我吃東西呢?”
旅館主人：“我不敢想象，除非是因為你拿了它經常用來吃東西的盤子了。”
英語小笑話3
Does the dog know the proverb,too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman,"don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah,yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb,but does the dog know the proverb,too?"
狗也明白這個諺語嗎?
一個小男孩十分不喜歡狗狂叫的樣貌。
“沒有關系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你明白這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是明白，可是狗也明白嗎?”
英語小笑話4
George es from school on the first of September.
"George,how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her,Mother,because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too."
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家里。
“喬治，你喜歡你們的新教師嗎？” 媽媽問。
“媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6， 可之后又說2加4也得6。”
英語小笑話5
Dentist: I'm sorry,madam,but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud,he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂貴的代價
牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母親：二十五美元!可是我明白您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀?
牙科醫生：是的。可是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了。
英語小笑話6
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in.The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out.This student got back his test and $64 change.
一天，教授正在給學生們監考。他發下試卷，然后回到講臺前等待。
考試結束了，學生們紛紛交回試卷。教授發現一張試卷上別著一張百元鈔票，還有一張紙條寫著：“一分一塊錢。”
第二堂課，教授把試卷都發回學生們手中。其中一個學生不但得到了試卷還得到64塊錢的`找零。
英語小笑話7
After supper,the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests.At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV,"Honey,go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while,her son returnedand said,"Ma,the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."
我根本就看不見
晚飯后，父親和母親都忙著和客人玩麻將，這時母親忽然想起點兒事來，便對正在看電視的兒子說道：“寶貝，去看看廚房里的燈是不是還開著呢?” 過了一會兒，兒子回來說：“媽，廚房里太黑了，我根本就看不見。”
英語小笑話8
Tom's excuse
Teacher:Tom,why are you late for school every day?
Tom:Every time I e to the corner,a sign says,School-Go Slow.
湯姆的借口
教師：湯姆，您為什么每一天上學遲到?
湯姆：我每次走過拐角，一個路標上頭寫著：學校——慢行。
英語小笑話9
"Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine."
"Yours?Can you prove it?"
"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it."
"請原諒，你占了我的位置。"
"你的位置?你能征明這點嗎?"
"能，我在位置上放了杯冰激凌。"
英語小笑話10
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man plained to his friend."She asks me a question,then answers it herself,and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可憐的丈夫
“你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然后自我回答了，過后又花半個小時跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯的。”
英語小笑話11
Put your feet in
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil, "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
把腳放進去
一個女學生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被教師發現了。“瑪麗!”教師嚴厲地叫她。“什么事，教師?”這女學生問。“把口香糖從嘴里拿出來，把腳放進去。”
英語小笑話12
A father of five came home with a toy,summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present,“Who is the most obedient,never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told?” he inquired.There was silence and then a chorus of voices: “You play with it,Daddy!”
一個有五個孩子的父親帶著一件玩具回到家里，把孩子們召集來問這件禮物應當給誰。“誰最聽話，從不和媽媽頂嘴，讓干什么就干什么?”他問道。大家都不吭聲。過了一會兒，孩子們異口同聲地說：“爸爸，您玩兒吧。”
英語小笑話13
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house.At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers, when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs: "I pray for a bicycle.I pray for a new toy."
His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
孩子的祈禱
兩個小男孩在祖父母家過夜。睡覺的時候，兩個小男孩跪在床邊開始祈禱，這時小一些的孩子扯開嗓子大聲喊道：“我祈求得到一輛自行車。我祈求有一個新玩具。”
他的哥哥靠過來，用肘輕碰他說：“你為什么這么大聲喊叫呢？上帝又不是聾子。”
弟弟回答說：“是的，可是奶奶聽不到呀！”
英語小笑話14
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父親在哪兒?
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”
“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，僅有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”
哥哥想了會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”
英語小笑話15
Kate: Mom,do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No,Honey,what?
Kate: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.
Kate: No,you haven't.I've just dropped it.
凱特：媽媽，你明白我要給你一件什么生日禮物嗎?
媽媽：不明白，寶貝，是什么呀?
凱特：一把漂亮的茶壺。
媽媽：可是我已經有一把漂亮的茶壺了呀。
凱特：不，你沒有了。我剛剛把它給摔了。
英語小笑話16
A Useful Way
Father:Jack,why do you drink so much water?
Jack:I have just had an apple,Dad.
Father:What"s that got to do with it?
Jack:I forgot to wash the apple.
一個有效的方法
爸爸：杰克，你干嘛喝這么多水呀?
杰克：我剛才吃了個蘋果，爸爸。
爸爸：可是這跟喝水有什么關系呢?
杰克：我忘了洗蘋果呀。
英語小笑話17
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe,it started to rain.
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one," Go home and get the umbrella."
The little turtle replied,"I will,if you don't drink my offee."
"We won't，" the other two promised.
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle,"Well,I guess he isn't ing back,so we might as well drink his coffee."
Just then a voice called from outside the door,"If you do,I won't go."
三只烏龜
三只烏龜決定去喝咖啡。它們剛到咖啡店的門口，就下起雨來。于是最大的那只烏龜對最小的烏龜說，“回家去取傘吧。”
最小的烏龜說，“如果你們不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”
“我們不喝，”另外兩只烏龜答應說。
兩年后，大烏龜對中烏龜說，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回來了，我們能夠把它的咖啡喝掉了。”
正在這時，一個聲音從門外傳來，“你們要是喝了，我就不去。”
英語小笑話18
Let Dog in Hotel
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me.He is well-groomed and very well behaved.Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner,who said,"I've been operating this hotel for many years.In all that time,I've never had a dog steal towels,bedclothes,silverware or pictures off the walls.I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly.And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.Yes,indeed,your dog is wele at my hotel.And,if your dog will vouch for you,you're wele to stay here,too."
一個人給一家他計劃在假期里停留的小旅館寫了封信，“我十分期望帶著我的狗，它很干凈很有教養，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”
旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經營旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者墻上的畫。我也從沒有在半夜因為狗喝醉胡鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實際上我們十分歡迎您的狗來我們旅館，如果它為您擔保，也歡迎您來。
英語小笑話19
Intelligent son
One day,the father lets eight year-old son send a letter,the son took the letter,the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son es back,the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly."
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee,is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
聰明的兒子
有一天，父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信，兒子已經拿著信跑了，父親才想起信封上沒寫地址和收信人的名字。
兒子回來后，父親問他:“你把信丟進郵筒了嗎?”
“當然。”
“你沒看見信封上沒有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?”
“我當然看見信封上什么也沒寫。”
“那你為什么不拿回來呢?”
“我還以為你不寫地址和收信人，是為了不想讓我明白你把信寄給誰呢!”
英語小笑話20
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man plained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
可憐的丈夫
“你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然后自我回答了，過后又花半個小時跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯的。”
誰更有禮貌?
一個胖子和一個瘦子在爭論誰更有禮貌。瘦子說他更有禮貌，因為他經常對女士摘帽示意。可是胖子認為他更有風度，因為無論什么時候他在車上給別人讓座時，總有兩位女士能坐下。
英語小笑話21
What are the Two Words?
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is ‘lousy’ and the other is ‘swell’.Would you promise me that?
Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?
是哪兩個詞？
一個非常和藹的老夫人有幾句話要對她的孫女說。我親愛的，老夫人說，我希望你能幫我一個忙。我要你答應永遠不要用兩個詞，一個是“討厭的”，另一個是“極好的”。你能答應我嗎？
噢，當然，奶奶。女孩說：是哪兩個詞？
英語小笑話22
A Monkey and a Flea
Mum: Baby, what’s the difference between a monkey and a flea? Baby: One is big and one is small.
Mum: Anything else?
Baby: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can’t have monkeys.
媽媽：猴子和跳蚤有什么不同呢？
兒子：它們倆一大一小。
媽媽：還有呢？
兒子：猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。
英語小笑話23
When we work evenings .we often order take-out food at the office.One night we all gave our orders to Sharon, who wrote the selections on a self-stick note. Unable to find our list when she arrived at the fastfood restaurant, Sharon stepped up to the counter. But before she could speak, the cashier recited the exact order. " How could you possibly know that?"asked Sharon.
"Tt's right there," replied the cashier,"stuck to your chest."
在我晚上上夜班的辦公室，大家常常訂些外賣食品來吃。一天夜里，我們都找沙倫訂了食品。她把訂單列在一張不干膠的紙條上。等她到了飯店時，怎么也找不到那張訂單了。沙倫走到柜臺前，還沒等她說話，收銀員就背出了所有大家訂的東西。沙倫問:“你怎么會知道這些的呢?”
“它就在這兒，”收銀頁說:“貼在了你的胸前。”
英語小笑話24
Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.
When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”
媽媽讓湯米去馬路對面的商店里買一盒好用的火柴。
湯米回來后，媽媽問他，“你買的是好用的火柴嗎？”
“是的，媽媽。”湯米回答，“我把它們都試過了。”
英語小笑話25
How to Become Rich
Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.Sister's boyfriend:No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.
如何致富
弟弟：我看見你親我姐姐了，如果你不給我五分錢，我就告訴我爸。姐姐的男朋友：不要那樣做。給你五分錢。弟弟：我這個月已經賺了一塊兩毛五了。
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