What are we going to learn?（目標篇）
1.重點詞匯
interrupt apologi(z)se fault introduce apology forgive culture manner(s) impression toast behave napkin roll dessert unfold lap damp cloth custom starter pray course breast flesh bone raise advice spirit impolite mix wing extra childhood stare disabled
2.重點詞組
Leave out stare at make jokes about sb
3.交際用語
(1) 道歉與致謝
Excuse me.
Forgive me.
I’m (very / so / terribly) sorry. That’s all right. / That’s Ok. / No problem.
I apologise for … Oh, well, that’s life.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to …
Oops. Sorry about that.
Thank you. It’s beautiful.
4.語法難點
定語從句（3）
1. 能夠用英語描述人物、事件、時間、地點、原因等 --使用限制性定語從句：
I spent the whole afternoon with the teacher who was very helpful.
2. 能夠用英語對特定的人物、事件、時間、地點等做補充說明 -- 使用非限制性定語從句：
I spent the whole afternoon with the teacher, which was helpful.
5.話題
1. Learn about good table manners
2. Learn to make apology
3. Learn to express your gratitude
4. Make a contrast study on table manners in Chinese and Western cultures
5. Be a student with good manners
Tell Me More!（背景篇）
American Table Manners
The Role of Manners?
There is not much call for a complete working knowledge of table manners in America today. Many families only gather all at once around the dinner table at holiday feasts, and most restaurants are too casual to require, or even to allow for, more than basic good table manners. If, having dropped, a diner at a bistro were to attempt to practice proper etiquette by signaling a member of the staff to bring a fresh one, he would probably have to do without a napkin at all. Try as he might to make eye contact and indicate the nature of the problem with a subtle wiggle of the eyebrow and downward flicker of the glance, he is likely to succeed only in causing his date to think he is making a play for the server. Although strict good manners forbid placing a used eating utensil back on the table, the server removing a plate on which a fork has quite properly been positioned "pointing at 11 o'clock" might just plop that item back where it started, making more of a clatter than if the diner had simply done it herself.
From time to time -- perhaps at an important business dinner, a romantic date at an expensive restaurant, or a first dinner with the family of the person who may be "the One" -- it is necessary to display a more sophisticated knowledge of table etiquette. This is not difficult, once you have mastered the basics. Anyone armed with this core knowledge and the ability to adapt smoothly to the situation at hand will be able to handle even the most formal event. The goal is not, after all, to demonstrate utter mastery of the most arcane details of etiquette (which would be quite difficult considering the wide variations of customs in different cultures and from generation to generation), but rather to behave with graciousness and at the table.
Mastering the Basics
Much of the difficulty encountered in learning table manners derives from the struggle to
master the ritual handling of the various tools involved. In order to display the right social veneer, it is necessary to sit at the table with elegant ease and wield the utensils with aplomb. The diner who leaves the napkin folded on his plate until it obstructs the placement of his appetizer plate reveals his lack of training. The dinner party guest who observes with dismay the array of flatware on either side of her plate, need only take the time to learn the simple secret to the plan. There are, of course, a few tips and pitfalls to be aware of, as well as the occasional surprising item you can eat with your hands. Here is a quick guide which will help steer you through even the most formal of occassions.
Table Manners for a Typical Evening Meal
1. Sit - the host will tell you where to sit, or you ask.
2. Wait for others to start eating. Many homes will pray first.
3. Family style meal - food is passed to the right.
4. Try a little of everything - do not take a Lot of anything.
5. If you do not want something, just pass it on; You do not need to say anything. If they ask, say, "It looks good, but I think I won't have any thank you."
6. Keep the table and table-cloth as clean as possible. Do not put bones or anything on the table. Things that are not eaten should be put on your plate.
7. Do not spit anything out. If there is something in your mouth that you cannot swallow, quietly put it in your paper napkin and then go on (e.g. bones, seeds, etc.)
8. Do not talk with food in your mouth! Wait until you have swallowed everything before talking.
9. Burping - don't!! It is considered rude.
10. Slurping - don't!! Drinking soup or eating noodles - be quiet.
11. When food is passed to you say, "Thank You."
12. When you would like more of some food and it is not right in front of you, say, "Please pass the green beans."
13. Do not reach across the table or in front of someone to get something - that is rude. Ask them to pass it to you.
14. If you need to leave the table to go to the bathroom or do something, say, "Excuse me for a moment, please."
15. If your hostess wants to serve you but you don't want to eat it, say, "Thank you. It looks very good, but I'm not quite used to American food yet. Maybe next time, thanks."
16. Meals are to be slow, pleasant, leisurely times. Enjoy your food, but talk too.
17. Watch how fast others are eating. Try not to be too slow or too fast - keep up with their pace.
18. When you are finished eating, say "What a delicious meal! Thank you so much." Wait for all to be finished before leaving the table.
19. Do not touch your nose, hair or teeth at the table.
20. Toothpicks - are not usually on the table in a home. After the meal, go to the bathroom and clean your teeth if you need to. In restaurants, they are usually at the counter where you pay as you go out. Again, it is best to clean your teeth in the bathroom.
Key Points（知識篇）
1. People who go to a formal Western dinner party for the first time may be surprised by table manners in Western culture.
Quiz
(1) _________ I went to Zhangjiajie, I was shocked by its beauty. I’d say it was the most beautiful place I saw _________.
A. The first time; for the first time B. For the first time; the first time
C. The first time when; at first D. first time; for first time
(2) I thought her nice and honest _________ I met her
A. first time B. for the first time C. the first time D. by the first time
Rules
for the first time: “第一次，首次”，介詞短語作時間狀語，表示有生以來第一次做某事。例如：
At the age of 20 he left his own village for the first time.他在二十歲時才第一次離開村子。
The old lady traveled by air for the first time. 這位老太太是第一乘飛機旅行。
注意比較：the first time: “首次，第一次”，連接詞引導時間狀語從句，以突出另一個動作。例如：
The first time he came to Chongqing, he liked the landscape here at once. 他一到重慶就喜歡上了這里的景色。
The first time I met him, I knew we would be friends. 我第一次見到他，就明白我們將成為朋友。2. Knowing them will help you make a good impression.
Quiz
(1) What worried the child most was _________ to visit his mother in the hospital.
A. his not allowing B. his not being allowed
C. his being not allowed D. having not been allowed
(2) While shopping, people sometimes can’t help ___________ into buying something they don’t really need.
A. to persuade B. persuading C. being persuaded D. be persuaded
Rules
1) knowing them在句子中作主語。英語中動詞-ing短語可以充當主語、賓語或表語，用法上相當于一個名詞，但動詞的-ing 形式仍然可以有自己的賓語和狀語等成分，knowing them中them就是knowing 的賓語，但整個短語作主語。例如：
Reading good books makes us happy. 讀好書使我們覺得幸福。
It is said that walking on the moon is more difficult. 據說在月球上行走更難。
They started working hard to build a new bridge. 為了修一座新橋，他們開始辛勤勞動。
Her job is teaching. 她的工作是教書
2) impression: 印象；感覺；想法
What he said made a deep impression on us. 他說的話給我們留下了深刻印象。
Usually, when we see or talk to a person we have an impression of this person. 當看見一個人或者與一個人交談的時候，我們通常會對這個人有印象。
I was under the impression that you were coming tomorrow.我以為你明天才來呢。
3. Having good table manners means knowing, for example, how to use knives and forks, when to drink a toast and how to behave at the table.
Quiz
(1) That he meant ______ me means ______ me was his wish.
A. to help; to help B. helping; helping C. to help; helping D. to help; help
(2) I meant ________ her some help, which means ______ her is my wish.
A. giving; helping B. to give; helping C. /; to help D. giving; to help
(3) I ____________ over to help, but was prevented from doing so.
A. had meant coming B. had meant to come C. have meant coming D. have meant to come
Rules
mean: vt. “意味著，意思是；意欲，打算”。表“意味著，意思是”時后面接名詞或動詞的-ing形式；表“意欲，打算”時后面接不定式。另外mean, hope, plan, expect, intend, suppose, want, think等動詞有時用過去完成時表示一個本來打算做而未做，曾經設想而為實現的事。例如：
What does this sentence mean? 這句話是什么意思？
To raise wage means increasing purchasing power. 增加工資意味著增加購買力。
I mean to go, but my father would not allow me to. 我想去，但是我父親不肯讓我去。
We had meant to catch 7:30 train, but we missed it. 我們原想坐7:30的火車，但未及時趕到。
I had hoped to meet the famous singer at the party, but didn’t. 我本指望在聚會上見到那個著名歌手，但未能如愿。
I had thought that he had died at least twenty years ago. 我原以為他至少死了20年。
4. The knife and fork that are closest to your plate a little bit bigger than the ones beside them.
Rules
1. be close to sth. 離……近
Our house is close to the bus stop. 我們家離汽車站很近。
The two boys are close to each other in height. 這兩個孩子差不多高。
2. a little bit: 一點
Won’t you stay just a little bit longer? 你再多呆點時間好嗎？
5. In China, you sometimes get a hot, damp cloth to clean your face and hands, which, however, is not the custom in Western countries.
Quiz
(1) Helen is much more kind to her youngest child than to the others, ______, of course, makes the others unhappy.
A. who B. which C. she D. that.
(2) Beijing government puts more than 700 million yuan to increase its green space this year, ________ doubles the money provided last year.
A. as B. while C. that D. which
(3) The Chinese government has decided to develop the west of China, ________, I dare say, will benefit the people there, especially those who are still leading a poor life.
A. what B. whatever C. which D. as
Rules
1） 這是一個含有由關系代詞which引導的非限制性定語從句的復合句。句中which 代表整個主句的內容。例如：
She was late for school again, which made the teacher angry. 她又遲到了，這使得老師很生氣 。
The young writer has written quite a few books now, which his teachers and parents didn’t expect. 那位小作家已經寫了好幾本書了，這是他的老師和家長都沒有預料到的。
2）custom: “習慣, 風俗”。可數名詞，主要指一個地區或國家許多人共同的習俗，而 habit主要指個人習慣。例如：
It is difficult to get used to another country’s customs.要適應另一個國家的風俗是困難的。
If you visit a place, you should follow the customs there. 如果你參觀一個地方，你就應該遵守那里的風俗。
to have habit of smoking during meals有吃飯時吸煙的習慣
to change customs and habits 移風易俗
It is not easy to break off a bad habit. 要改掉一個壞習慣不容易。
It's a good habit to go for a walk after supper. 晚飯后散步是個好習慣。
6. Dinner starts with a small dish, which is often called a starter.
Rules
start with以...開始
The speech starts with a question. 演講是以一個問題開始的
call: 稱為，叫做；命名。call 在表示這些意思時要接復合賓語。例如
Everyone called him a coward.大家都稱他是膽小鬼。
Mark Twin was called a writer who understood boys.馬克.吐溫被稱為了解男孩子們的作家。
He called himself an architect.他把他自己叫做建筑師。
They called the baby Helen after their beloved teacher.他們以他們敬愛的老師的名字海倫為他們的嬰孩命名
7. Some people pray before they start eating, and other people may keep silent for a moment.
Rules
pray: vi. “祈禱; 祈求”例如：
She prayed silently. 她默默地祈禱。
We're praying for a fine day.我們祈求好天氣。
8. The next dish is the main course
Rules
course: n. “一道菜; 過程, 經過, 進程; 路線; 課程” of course “當然” in(during ) the course of “在……期間；在…… 之中” 例如
They had three courses: soup, meat and vegetables, and fruit. 他們有三道菜：湯、肉和蔬菜，還有水果。
the course of discussion 討論的過程
The ship was blown off course. 那船被吹離航線。
Our school offers different courses. 我們學校開設各種各樣的課程。
9. It is polite to finish eating everything on your plate, so don’t take more food than you need.
Quiz
(1) The mother asked her daughter not to delay ________ the paper.
A. handing in B. to hand in C. hand in D. having handed in
(2) He didn’t seem to mind ________ TV while he was trying to study.
A. them to watch B. that they watch C. their watching D. watching
(3) They don’t allow __________in the reading-room.
A. to talk B. talked C. talking D. us talking
Rules
(1) it 在本句中充當形式主語,代表后面的真正主語不定式短語to finish eating everything on your plate。it 作形式主語時，常代表不定式短語、-ing短語或者主語從句。例如：
It is important for the middle school students to learn a foreign language well. 中學生學好一門外語是重要的。
It is difficult for the children to rebuild such a bridge in so short a time. 孩子們在這么短的時間內重建這樣一座橋是困難的。
It is no good wasting time here. 在這里浪費時間毫無益處。
It is no use talking to such a person like him. 與他那樣的人談沒用。
It is said that Asia Pacific City Summit will be held in Chongqing this October. 據說亞太市長峰會將于十月在重慶召開。
It is hoped that the Chinese team will win more gold medals in 2008 Olympic games.人們希望中國隊在2008奧運會上取得更多金牌。
(2) finish 之后要用 動詞-ing形式作賓語。類似的動詞還有 advise, allow, avoid, consider, delay, enjoy, excuse, keep, mind, miss, pardon, permit, require, stop, can’t help, give up, leave off, keep on, put off等。例如：
Would you mind opening the window? 你介意把窗戶打開嗎？
The students keep practicing speaking English.這些學生堅持練習說英語。
I suggest going for a walk every evening. 我建議每天晚上去散步。
10. When drinking to someone’s health, you raise your glasses, but the glasses should not touch.
Quiz
(1) The sun __ _ in the east.
A. raises B. rises C. is raise D. is risen
(2) Our community __ _ money for the victims of the plane accident.
A. is rising B. is raising C. rose D. collecting
Rules
(1) drink to sb/sth.: express good wishes to sb. / sth. by drinking (a toast) 向某人（為某事）祝酒。類似的用法也可用 drink one’s health 或者drink a health to sb “向某人祝酒”。例如：
drink to one’s health ( happiness, prosperity, etc) 為某人健康、幸福、成功等干杯
Let’s drink to the success of your plan. 讓我們為你的計劃成功干杯。
(2) raise 和rise 的用法區別：raise：vt. “抬高, 舉起, 升起, 提高；飼養；籌集, 提出” rise: vi. “升起, 上升；起身； 發源” 例如：
He raised his arms above his head. 他把手臂舉過頭頂。
to raise salaries 提高工資
to raise the rent 提高租金
to raise a family 供養一家人
The students wanted to raise some money to protect the wild animals. 學生們想籌一些錢來保護野生動物。
The student raised a very good question about the importance of security in the big cities. 學生們提出了一個很好的問題，是關于大城市治安問題的重要性的。
The sun rose at seven o'clock. 太陽七點鐘升起。
New buildings are rising in the city. 城市里新的高樓大廈不斷地被建起來
The river rises every spring. 每年春天河水都要上漲
Prices have risen steadily during the past decade. 過去十年間物價一直在上漲。
He rose to an important position in the company. 他在公司升遷到了一個重要職位。
rose at dawn. 天亮時就起床了
The river Rhine rises in Switzerland. 萊茵河發源于瑞士。
11. Table manners change over time. 餐桌禮貌會隨著時間而變遷。
Quiz
They had a pleasant chat ___________ a cup of tea.
A. for B. with C. during D. over
Rules
over: prep. “貫穿，在……期間”。表示時間流逝。例如：
over time: 隨著時間的過去
They discussed it over lunch. 他們吃午飯時商議了這件事。
Over the next few days they got to know the town well. 在隨后的幾天里他們就很了解那座城市了。
Over time, many agricultural techniques have been modernized. 隨著時間的推移，許多農業技術實現了現代化。
Why do newspapers turn yellow over time? 隨著時間的過去報紙為什么會變黃呢？
How has pollution developed or changed over time? 隨著時間的推移污染是怎樣發展和變化的。
12. They follow the fashion of the day.
Rules
follow: vt. 跟隨, 追隨; 沿...而行; 理解, 遵循; 從事; 注視。
The children followed their mother into the room. 孩子們跟著母親進了房間。
We followed the road to the top of the hill. 我們沿著這條路走到了小山頂。
I didn't follow his line of reasoning. 我不明白他的推理方法。
The soldiers must follow the officer's orders. 士兵們必須執行軍官的命令。
Please follow the instructions on the packet when you take the drug. 吃藥時請按照包裝上的說明去服用。
Will you follow my advice? 你會聽我的忠告嗎？
He follows the trade of baker. 他從事烤面包行業。
We shall follow closely the latest advance of the subject in the world. 我們將密切注意世界上這一課題的最新進展。
as follows 如下
The results are as follows... 結果如下…
13. Besides, table manners are only important at formal dinner parties.
Rules
besides: adv. 此外prep. 除...之外
I don't want to come out now, and besides, I must work. 我現在不想出去，而且我還得工作。
Besides English, he has to study German. 除了英語, 他還要學德語。
Besides milk and cheese, we need vegetables. 除了牛奶和干酪外，我們還需要蔬菜。
besides 和except都含“除...外”的意思。besides指“除...外, 另外還有”, 著重“另外還有”。 如:
I have five other books besides this. 除這本以外, 我還有五本別的書。
except的含意是“從整體里減去一部分”, 因為“所說的道理或事實不能適用于那部分”, 著重于“排除在外”, 如:
We all went there except Xiao Li. 除了小李以外, 我們都到那兒去了。
14. Although good manners always make you look good, you do not need to worry about all these rules while having dinners with your friends or family.
Rules
make: “使……做某事; 使……成為；使……怎樣” 常用下列結構：
a. make sb. + do sth.: 表示“使某人做某事”，做賓語補足語的不定式不能帶to。但是如果make 用于被動語態則要在不定式前恢復to。例如：
Can you make the horse go? 你能趕走這匹馬嗎?
My parents make me get up early in the morning. 早上家長讓我們早起。
We were made to work all night. 我們被迫工作了整整一夜。
b. make sb. / sth. + 名詞: 表示“使某人某物作為……”。
We made her our group leader. 我們讓她當我們組長。
They made him chairman of the committee.他們推舉他為委員會主席。
c. make sb. /sth. + 形容詞: 表示“使某人或某物怎樣”。例如：
The news made her happy. 這消息使他高興。
His words will make her angry. 他的話會使他生氣。
d. make sb. /sth. +過去分詞: 表示“使某人或某物被知道、懂得、聽清等”。這種結構中的sb.或sth. 為過去分詞動作的承受者。例如：
Can you make yourself understood in English? 你說英語別人聽得懂嗎？
You’d better make your plan known. 你最好讓你的計劃為人所知。
e. make it +形容詞+ that 從句: 這一結構中it 是形式賓語，代替后面的that從舉。例如：
I have made it clear that we’ll make up for the lost time. 我已經說得很明白，我們將把失去的時間補回來。
f. make it +形容詞+不定式: 這一結構中it 是形式賓語，代替后面的不定式。例如：
The fine weather makes it possible for us to go out. 好天氣使我們外出成為可能。
The heavy rain makes it difficult for them to finish the work on time. 大雨使他們很難按時完成工作。
15. 定語從句（3）
Quiz
(1) The famous basketball star, ________ tried to make a comeback, attracted a lot of attention.
A. where B. when C. which D. who
(2) Dorothy was always speaking highly of her role in the play, ________, of course, made the others unhappy.
A. who B. which C. this D. what
(3) Carol said the work would be down by October, _________ personally I doubt very much.
A. it B. that C. when D. which
(4) __________ is known to everybody, the moon travels round the earth once every month.
A. It B. As C. That D. What
(5) These houses are sold at such a low price ________ people expected.
A. like B. as C. that D. which
(6) ___________ is mentioned above, the number of the students in senior high schools is increasing.
A. Which B. As C. That D. It
(7) Recently I bought an ancient Chinese vase, __________ was very reasonable.
A. which price B. the price of which C. its price D. the price of whose
(8) York, ___________ last year, is a nice old city.
A. that I visited B. which I visited C. where I visited D. in which I visited
(9) In each house there is a family group of men, ________ are related to each other.
A. all who B. all C. of whom D. all of whom
(10) Such things __________ you described are rare now.
A. as B. who C. that D. which
Rules
1. 限制性定語從句和非限制性定語從句
英語中定語從句分為限制性定語從句和非限制性定語從句。限制性定語從句對先行詞起限定和確定作用，是句子不可缺少的修飾成分，如果去掉，主句的意思就不完整或失去意義，這種從句與主句的關系十分密切，書寫時不能用逗號分開。非限制性定語從句是對先行詞起補充說明作用，如果去掉，主句的意思仍然清楚，主句也能獨立表意，這種從句與主句的關系比較松散，從句和主句之間常用逗號分開。試比較兩種從句的不同之處。
A plane is a machine that can fly. (限制性定語從句)
The plane, which we took from Chongqing to Hainan, was bought from the USA. (非限制性定語從句)
2. 非限制性定語從句常用于下列場合
（1）先行詞為獨一無二的事物。例如：
Our school has a library, which was built ten years ago. 我們學校有一個圖書館，那是十年前修的。（暗示我們學校只有一個圖書館。）試比較：
Our school has a library which was built ten years ago. 我們學校有一個十年前修的圖書館。(暗示我們學校可能還有其它圖書館。)
（2）先行詞為專有名詞。此時先行詞已經具有特殊性，不需要再限定。例如：
Chongqing, which is developing rapidly, is sure to be more attractive than before. 重慶肯定比以前更具有吸引力了，這個城市發展得很快。
The Great Wall, which is called in Chinese “Ten-Thousand Li Great Wall”, is actually more
than 6, 000 kilometers long. 長城實際上有六千多公里長，在中國它被叫做“萬里長城”。
（3）先行詞被指示代詞或人稱代詞所修飾時。例如：
This is her dictionary, which was given her as a birthday present. 這是她的詞典，是作為生日禮物送給她的。
Please give this letter to that man, who is talking to your father. 請把這封信交給那個人，他在和你的爸爸說話。
（4）當先行詞是整個主句時。例如：
He was late for school again, which made his teacher angry. 他上學又遲到了，這讓老師很生氣。
He won the first prize, as everyone expected. 正如大家所料，他得了一等獎。
（5）說明先行詞的部分情況時。例如：
The old lady, all of whose children had been killed in the war, was given help by the local government. 那位老太太受到了當地政府的幫助，她的全部孩子都在戰爭中死了。
Recently my father bought a Chinese painting, the price of which was very reasonable. 最近我爸爸買了一幅中國畫，價格很合理。
3. 非限制性定語從句中關系詞的使用
和限制性定語從句一樣，非限制性定語從句也要由關系代詞或關系副詞引導。關系代詞who, whom, whose, which ,as (在非限制性定語從句中不能使用that)在從句中充當主語或賓語，關系副詞when, where在從句中充當狀語。
(1) 先行詞是人時，關系代詞作主語用who，作賓語用whom。例如：
This morning I met with Mr Smith, who gave us a talk about the education system in the USA last year. 今天上午我碰到史密斯先生了，他去年給我們做了一個關于美國教育體制的報告。
Miss Howe, whom you met at the airport, is from America. 豪小姐是美國人，你在機場見過她。
（2）先行詞是物時，用關系代詞which在從句中做主語或者賓語。例如：
Yesterday we visited a car factory, which was built last year. 昨天我們參觀了一家汽車制造廠，那家廠是去年建的。
The city, which I visited when I was a child, has changed greatly. 這座城市變化很大，我是小孩的時候來過。
(3) 不管是先行詞人或者物，要表示其某一方面的情況時用關系代詞whose做定語。例如：
The children often go to help Granny Chen, whose children were killed in the war. 孩子們常常去幫助陳奶奶，她的孩子在戰爭中死了。
A sheep is a useful animal, whose wool has many uses. 羊是一種有用的動物，它的毛有許多用途。
（4）在介詞之后用which, whom 的情況。例如：
I have many friends, some of whom are artists. 我有很多朋友，其中一些是藝術家。
In that supermarket on sale is a new type of computer, the low price of which makes it attractive to the students from poor family. 那家超市有一種新型電腦在打特價，其低廉的價格對家庭收入不高的學生很有吸引力。
(5) 當整個主句做先行詞時，用關系代詞which或as。which引導的非限制性定語從句只能放在主句的后面，as引導的非限制性定語從句既可在主句前也可在主句后。但是as有“正如”的意思。例如：
He didn’t attend the lecture, which made us all unhappy. 他沒有出席這次演講， 這使我們都不高興。
As we know (as is known to all), English is widely used. 眾所周知，英語運用得非常廣泛。
She has been late again, as was expected. 正如所預料的一樣，她又遲到了。
（6）當關系詞在非限制性定語從句中充當狀語時，表時間用when,表地點用where。例如：
His grandfather was born in 1949, when the People’s Republic of China was founded. 他的祖父出生于1949年，那年中華人民共和國成立。
We will be shown around the city: schools, museums, and some other places, where other visitors seldom go. 我們將被帶去參觀這個城市的學校，博物館和一些其它地方，都是別的游客很少去的。
Just Read! （拓展篇）
What ARE Good Manners?
by Susan Dunn
Interesting question, isn't it? In the Age of Rudeness, we may be losing touch with what
etiquette and good manners are all about. In fact there may be those among us who haven't experienced it. According to a recent survey, more than 50% of Americans are concerned about the growing rudeness in the U. S.
We assault each other more all the time with upsetting noises, sights, sounds, smells, and attitude. It's getting to where we need to protect ourselves from one another! Maybe it's getting a little too wild out there.
Good manners are, first of all, civilized behavior. That's as opposed to wild behavior. "He acts like he was raised in a barnyard," my mother would say, about some hapless boy who pulled up in front of my house for a date and just sat in the car and honked.
Whether that was a particular rule in your household, or culture, all cultures have "rules" and they are learned, not innate. It Italy it's good manners for a man to greet another man with an embrace and a kiss on each cheek. Not so in South Texas, where men stand 3 feet apart and at 90 degree angles to converse with one another.
All cultures have rules and if you violate them, you'll be excluded. Excluded from what? Well, what we all want more of now - to be where the polite and pleasant people are. Yes?
Emily Post, the Diva of Etiquette, by virtue of her book of the same name, "Etiquette" ( http://www.bartleby.com/95/7.html ) defined this certain set of people as "Best Society."
"Best Society," she wrote, "is not confined to any one place or group, but might be better described as an unlimited brotherhood which spreads over the entire surface of the globe, the members of which are invariably people of cultivation and worldly knowledge, who have not only perfect manners but a perfect manner."
"Cultivated," you see, as opposed to "wild" or "weed-ridden" or "out of control".
"Manners" she says, "are made up of trivialities of deportment which can be easily learned if one does not happen to know them." "Manner," on the other hand, "is personality - the outward manifestation of one's innate character and attitude toward life."
Manners must be really ingrained; a matter of who you are, not how you are. The attitude must be without thinking, but the particulars require great thought. It's always easier to revert to the feral state. Ask the cat!
Miss Post suggests that once we've learned it, etiquette becomes - to those of the Best Society - "a matter of instinct rather than of conscious obedience."
There are those among us who still blurt out "thank you," "you're welcome," "excuse me," and "May I?" But there are a lot more among us who don't!
Good manners and etiquette are based on a concept that's somewhat in disfavor today - being selfless. "Unconsciousness of self," says Miss Post, "is the mental ability to extinguish all thought of one's self - exactly as one turns out the light. Hmmm. You mean put the other fellow first occasionally? Now there's a novel idea.
And so "one" - that would be you and I - one does not burp because it feels good, acting as if no one else was there; or elbow through the queue, because WE are in a hurry and WE matter most; or talk about our sex lives on cell phones in restaurants as if others would find it interesting; or shout profanity and throw tantrums because we're entitled to our anger, to indulge it and to "let it all hang out," as if it didn't stress the listener as much as it stresses us. (Second-hand hostility is as dangerous to our health as second-hand smoke!)
No, in fact manners is about letting it all hang IN. Keeping some things inside, quiet, and to oneself, turning down the volume, slowing down the pace, out of consideration for the other. Allowing the other person some comfort, some space, some peace.
"A bore," says Miss Post, "is said to be 'one who talks about himself when you want to talk about yourself!' which is superficially true enough," she adds, "but a bore might more accurately be described as one who is interested in what does not interest you, and insists that you share his enthusiasm, in spite of your disinclination."
Boring others, then, is an act of rudeness (and one of my least favorites), because there is no thought given to the interests or comfort of the other.
"Nearly all the faults or mistakes in conversation," says Miss Post, "are caused by not thinking." Ah hah! Or by thinking only of oneself.
"A first rule for behavior in society," she continues, "is: 'Try to do and say those things only which will be agreeable to others."
How far away from this we have gotten!
So, to have good manners we must learn the actions - the "trivialities of deportment" - and then stop and think when we're with others. Then we can avoid being tactless. ".[Y] ou must not talk about the unattractiveness of old age to the elderly, about the joys of dancing and skating to the lame, or about the advantages of ancestry to the self-made," says Miss Post.
Avoiding being rude, has a lot to do with Emotional Intelligence which, like good manners, can be learned. EQ requires self-awareness and empathy - the ability to understand how your behavior affects others (and their feelings). It requires a strong interface between emotions and thinking.
Blurting out the first thing on your mind ("What an ugly dress!) is rarely the tactful thing to do. To be considerate of others takes Intentionality - intending to treat others well, and exercising the self-discipline to do it. You might lower your voice, you know, steer the subject away from unpleasant things, cover your mouth when you cough ..
It's easier to be rude. If you don't believe this, watch two children at play. They will revert to the lowest level. It's easier to scream, stomp, grab, jabber, be messy and disorderly, and scratch where and when it itches, than to stop and think about what you're doing, take others into consideration, and act accordingly.
It's harder to be polite. Of course you'd rather boom your boom box and enjoy your music regardless of others; have a tantrum when you've been angered; turn the lights on when you come to bed though your spouse is sound asleep; ignore the customer because it's all such a chore, you know, working; or perhaps even hit someone who annoys you. These are the easiest things to do, and the most mindlessly satisfying, because you can indulge yourself with no thought for others.
But what happens when everyone behaves that way? Then we have a rudeness epidemic. And how will we change that? One person at a time! As Mother Teresa said, when the house is dirty don't complain or call a committee, pick up a broom and start sweeping.
Have Fun! （趣味篇）
Don't eat one of those
Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC.
A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each one a bag.
The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: 'I wouldn't eat that if I were you.'
'Why not?' replied the curious brother
'I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.'
Answers to quiz
1. (1) A (2) C
2. (1) B (2) C
3. (1) C (2) B (3) B
5. (1) B (2) D (3) C
9. (1) A (2) C (3) C
10. (1) B (2) B
11. D
15. (1) D (2) B (3) D (4) B (5) B (6) B (7) B (8) B (9) D (10) A